Characters
Traveller
Con Man
Assistant

Setting
The platform of a London Underground station (no scenery required, just use your imagination!).

Play
The Traveller is standing in the middle of the stage facing the audience. He’s wearing a large jacket and a rucksack. He seems impatient and keeps looking right and left down the (imaginary) line. After a moment the Con Man enters and stands to his left, facing the same direction.

Con Man I’m sure you’ll be fine.

Traveller What?

Con Man You’re acting like you’re late for something. Just saying, I’m sure you’ll be fine.

Traveller Oh, thanks.

The Traveller continues to look up and down the line. There is a moment’s silence.

Con Man Blasted trains, eh? You’d think if this government can’t stop the bloody immigrants, they could at least give us a working Underground!

Traveller Yeah. Yeah, that’d be good.

Con Man Can’t complain though, can’t complain. Could have the bloody Tories back, eh?

Traveller Right.

The Con Man takes a tube of toothpaste out of his pocket and unscrews the lid. He holds it subtly in his right hand. The Traveller looks past him down the line to the left.

Con Man Nah, you’re looking the wrong way, mate. Train always comes from that direction.

He gestures to the right. As the Traveller looks that way, the Con Man squirts toothpaste on the back of his jacket, above the rucksack. He returns the tube to his pocket.

Con Man You see the footy last night? I’m telling you, United are going to have to think long and hard after that performance. Long and hard. You a fan?

Traveller Not really.

Con Man Ah, got out while the going was good? I don’t blame you, mate, I don’t blame you.

The Assistant enters. She starts to walk past the pair, then appears to notice the toothpaste on the Traveller’s back.

Assistant Excuse me, but I think you’ve got something on your jacket.

Traveller What?

Assistant Just there, on the back.

The Traveller takes off his rucksack and puts it down on the platform. He takes off his jacket and finds the toothpaste. The Assistant leans forward for a look. While this is going on, the Con Man picks up the rucksack and walks casually off stage.

Assistant Just looks like a bit of toothpaste. Don’t worry, I’m sure it’ll wash right out.

Traveller Yeah, probably. (He starts to put the jacket back on.)

Assistant I just thought I’d let you know.

Traveller Yeah yeah, thanks.

The Assistant walks off stage and the Traveller looks down for his rucksack. First he appears baffled. Then increasingly frantic as he looks round for the rucksack. Finally, he pulls out a mobile phone and dials a number.

Traveller Dave, it’s Gary. Look, you’ll never believe this. Someone’s just nicked the bloody bomb!